Chisholm Page 8

  No! She wouldn’t allow herself to examine the outcome of hers and Darach’s exchange. Good or bad. No need, she reminded herself, grabbing the battery-operated air pump to inflate the mattress. He’d be gone soon. That hadn’t changed, even if her feelings for him had.

  A soft whir filled the still room as she switched the pump on and watched the mattress rise and take form. This is how I feel, she realized, testing the tautness. I’m full to bursting with emotions I don’t dare put a name to, afraid if I do, they’ll expand or deflate, or become something I’m not prepared for and I’ll either burst from the pressure or fade to nothing without them.

  Blinking back the unexpected sting behind her eyes, she put the pump away, grabbed a sleeping bag and dragged the mattress closer to the fire. It was time to shake off her self-pity and take care of what really mattered. Emily.

  “I just need to roll this bag out, then you can lay her down,” Tess said as she worked, relieved she didn’t have to look at Darach just yet. She had no idea where they stood after her tantrum. She hated how reactive and accusatory she’d been, with him. He hadn’t deserved that.

  She clamped her jaw tight, annoyed by the anxious flutter in her belly, and reminded herself she was a grown woman, not a flighty teenager.

  And what happened to her determination of mere seconds ago, to set all concerns besides Emily, aside? Was she so weak of character, she couldn’t hold her resolve a full minute?

  Frustrated with her own behavior, she stood and backed away, giving Darach plenty of room to lay Emily down. Half the length of the library, to be exact. To cover her awkwardness, she went to her stash again and pulled a small pillow from the pile. Pretending to straighten things, she waited until Darach had laid Emily down and moved away to add more wood to the fire.

  “ ’Tis later than I realized,” Darach said above her as she gently tucked the pillow beneath Emily’s head. “Full dark. I must’ve lost track of time, searching for the lass.”

  “Me, too.” Tess smoothed the hair from Emily’s forehead and leaned down to brush a kiss to her temple. “Where was she?”

  “In the garret. The attic, I ken ye called it when Emily first discovered the entrance.”

  “Hiding?” Tess finally risked a glance at him, but only briefly. When he didn’t immediately respond, she looked back in time to catch a conflicted expression clouding his face.

  “No,” he finally stated. “Just lyin’ there. Asleep.”

  “It’s my fault.” Tess rose, hugged her arms to her waist and walked to the windows. “I’m so ashamed. There’s no excuse for frightening Emily like that. Or, speaking to you that way. I’m sorry.”

  The darkness outside was so complete the windows acted like mirrors, reflecting the flickering fire and the man standing behind her, as enticing and as temporary, as the flames he’d fed.

  She watched him come closer, held his gaze in the glass. When he reached her, laid his hands lightly at her waist and gently eased her back against his hard chest, she didn’t protest. Couldn’t. Didn’t want to, despite the warning in her head.

  “Ye dinnae give the lass enough credit, love,” he whispered against her cheek. “She’s stronger than ye think. More like ye, than ye think. And ye do her a disservice by thinkin’ tae hide yer feelin’s from her.”

  He slid his arms fully around her, hugged her closer and pressed a kiss to her temple, in the same way, with the same gentleness she’d kissed Emily. “As for me, ye’ve naught tae apologize for.” His warm breath brushed her chin, triggering a tantalizing shiver.

  “Ye were frightened. Understandably so,” he whispered, trailing his lips down her cheek to her neck. “I ken ’tis more that frightens ye, than just the candle.” He found a most sensitive spot beneath her ear to place a lingering kiss. She felt the strength leave her legs as the desire to turn around and test his lips with her own, became almost too much to bear.

  “You frighten me,” she whispered, giving in and turning inside his arms, to look up at him. “You have the ability to strip all my senses away and leave nothing but nerves and…anticipation.”

  “For?” He kissed her forehead, her eyelids.

  “This,” she breathed, rising on her toes to press her lips to his.

  Everything else slipped away. Nothing existed but his hands caressing her back, his mouth moving over hers and the ache, the terrible ache he brought to her, inside her. She wanted more, needed more, something to extinguish the yearning and the insanity of loving this man.

  Chapter Twelve

  The stack of burning boards in the fireplace collapsed in a flash of glittering sparks, startling Tess out of Darach’s embrace. Instinctively, she whirled, half-expecting to find the intruder they’d been unable to locate.

  “Easy, lass,” Darach soothed. “ ’Twas only the fire.”

  “I know,” she muttered shakily, struggling to calm her racing heart. “I’m sorry. I’m…not used to being distracted to the point I’m unaware of my surroundings.”

  She stifled a groan of embarrassment. What possessed her to say that? It made her sound weak, unable to control her reactions. She bristled, unwilling to acknowledge the kernel of truth in it. Even worse, she couldn’t believe she’d just thrown herself at Darach in such a brazen manner.

  Despite the warmth creeping up her neck, she crossed her arms and rubbed them briskly as she moved away, uncomfortable knowing her sudden chill had more to do with the lack of Darach’s embrace, than the dying fire. However, she’d cut her tongue out before expressing such mortifying thoughts again. You’d think she’d never been held and kissed by a man. Okay, she conceded, perhaps not quite so thoroughly, but she wasn’t completely without experience. Although no one, had ever tempted her to initiate such a kiss. Until now.

  “It’s getting colder. I should make sure Emily is warm enough.”

  An awkward silence filled the room as she fussed with Emily’s covering, casting furtive glances at Darach while he stirred the glowing embers and added a sturdy chunk of coal.

  “This should provide steady warmth through the night, but I’ll keep a close eye on it,” Darach said turning to face her. “Dinnae fash. I’ll see that the bairn stays warm.”

  “Thank you.” Tess muttered, brushing a hand over Emily’s hair. “She didn’t have any dinner, poor thing. She’ll be starving by morning.”

  Struggling to blink away the sudden sting watering her eyes and prickling her throat, Tess swallowed several times before she could put her thoughts into words. “I was so frightened.” She looked up at Darach, feeling helpless all over again. “I couldn’t stand losing her, too.”

  “Ye won’t,” Darach said harshly, as he knelt on the other side of Emily and reached across to capture both of Tess’ hands. “I promise.”

  Tess looked at his earnest face and shook her head, surprised to feel an even deeper level of disappointment “How can you promise anything? You’re leaving, remember?”

  A flash of surprise and a slow acknowledgement of truth tightened the rugged contours of Darach’s face, almost as if he’d forgotten. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. Tess pulled her hands free. He wasn’t going to deny it. Any hopes she’d held onto that he might want to stay, shattered.

  They rose at the same time, both searching for somewhere else to look, something else to busy themselves with.

  “ ’Tis late.” Darach walked to the stack of supplies from the car. “Ye need yer rest. If ye’ve another of those contrivances,” he waved a finger toward Emily’s mattress, “I’ll ready a place for ye.”

  “I’ll do it,” Tess replied, grateful for the distraction. “I’m sorry, but I only brought the two twin mattresses. I hadn’t planned on…anyone else.”

  “Dinnae fash, lass. I’ve been sleeping on the cold ground for cen—uh—for a long time, now. I’ll be cozy enough wrapped in my plaid.”

  Unable to shake the vision of Darach sleeping out in the brutal elements, Tess inflated the mattress, placed it beside
Emily’s then came back for her sleeping bag and pillow. “You said you slept on the ground regularly, yet you have no camping equipment? Not even so much as a blanket?”

  “My plaid serves me well. ’Tis enough.”

  “What do you eat?”

  The question seemed to surprise him. He shifted uneasily, and at length, shrugged. “Whatever the day presents.”

  Clearly a lie. Why? Had he lied about other things, as well? It took all her willpower to keep her lips sealed and not press him further. If she didn’t know without a doubt, he truly cared for Emily and her safety, she’d…what? She didn’t want to think about it. Instead, she tamped down her disappointment and turned away. He’d be gone tomorrow anyway, and she wouldn’t deny Emily a chance to say goodbye, by making a fuss tonight.

  Her stomach churned and she swallowed hard over the piercing, empty ache in her chest. Moments ago, she’d lost herself in his arms. Found something in him she’d never thought to find. Despite herself, she’d…hoped.

  What a fool.

  Limp with a depth of sadness that stunned her, and so weary she could barely stand, she pointed at a folded blanket. “Take that. The floor is cold. Help yourself to whatever you can find to eat. I’m going to bed.”

  “Tessa.” He said it so quietly, so apologetically, it was hard not to fling herself into his arms and let him lie to her again. Tell her anything to chase away the emptiness inside her, if only for another moment or two. Just when she thought she’d emerged from the devastation of loss, here was another layer, and she feared this time it would suffocate her.

  Darach shifted for what seemed the hundredth time on the hard floor, almost wishing he were back in his sleeping hollow. Almost.

  Through the broad window he’d watched in desperation as the moon progressed across the sky, casting slivers of wavering silver through the tree branches. ’Twas like a heavenly hourglass, ticking away his mortality.

  He couldnae seem to reconcile his attachment to Tessa and Emily with the inescapable penance awaiting him. Why, Soni? Why did ye bring me here when ye must have kenned it could only end in more suffering? No’ only for him, but for the two he’d come to love.

  For centuries he’d been anxious to get to Hell, pay his debt and know that, finally, his accounts would be settled. Now he couldnae bear the idea of parting from Tessa and Emily. They were the family he’d wanted but knew he’d never have. Yet here they were, his…if only he had a life to offer them.

  He kenned well enough, he’d earned this pain. ’Twas ironic, really, that he should be taken from them, just like he’d stolen his two friends from their mither. Fitting, he conceded. But why did Emily, an innocent who’d already lost so much, have to suffer? She’d formed an attachment to him, real or imagined, just as Tess had feared and warned him against. And what of Tessa who, despite her own personal loss, remained determined to forge some happiness for the child?

  Tess moaned and rolled over, distracting him from another round of unanswered questions. She muttered something he couldnae quite make out, then shifted again, thrashing restlessly on her pallet and pulling free of her coverings.

  When she cried out, trying to reach for something, Darach moved close and grasped her hand. “There now, lass,” he soothed. “ ’Tis but a bad dream. Ease yerself, Tessa. All is well.”

  She grasped his wrist. “Hold on!” she cried. “For the love of God, don’t let go!”

  “Tessa,” Darach whispered, cautious of rousing Emily. “Wake, love. ’Tis only a dre—”

  “Nooooo,” she wailed. “Come back. Please come back,” she sobbed, sounding completely broken.

  He lifted her, shivering, onto his lap, wrapped her inside his plaid to warm her and pressed his lips to the top of her head. “Hush, sweeting. ’Tis over. Rest now.”

  She whimpered and grasped the fabric of his longshirt like a lifeline. Slowly, her breathing became normal and she relaxed against him. Relieved she finally slept peacefully, he dropped his heavy eyelids and allowed himself to drift, wishing time could stand still and let him just sit here and hold her, forever.

  “I was in a river.”

  Her soft-spoken words startled him back to the dark room with the taunting, time-stealing moonbeams spilling through the window. Mistakenly, he’d thought she slept.

  “Emily and I were both there,” she continued. “We were trying to reach something on the other side, but I can’t recall what it was.”

  Her flat tone worried Darach. He’d never heard Tessa sound so…distant.

  “The current was too strong,” she continued, her voice barely above a whisper. “We both tried to fight it, but no matter how hard I tried to hold on, the raging water ripped her from my grasp. I kept swimming, and swimming, calling, searching, but I couldn’t find her. She was lost. Gone.” She released a shuddering sigh. “I was alone, and the river turned to ice, all around me.”

  “Ah, love,” Darach smoothed her hair, brushed his fingers down her cheek where hot tears seared her cold skin, and wished he could shed his own to relieve the terrible ache in his chest. Instead, he tightened his arms around her, unable to say more. The things she needed to hear, would only be a lie.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Tessa awakened groggy, heavy-limbed and unsure which popped up first, the sun or Emily. To her credit, Em tried to be quiet, but to a nine-year-old, quiet was still a relative term.

  While her niece rummaged through their meager stash of food, Tess tried to extricate herself from her sleeping bag without moaning too loudly. She shouldn’t be this stiff and achy. She chanced a quick glance at Darach, still wrapped in his plaid, but awake and watching her.

  She looked away, searching for the shoes she’d kicked off somewhere near her mattress. She must have fallen asleep in Darach’s arms, and sometime during the night, he’d settled her back on her make-shift bed.

  For her comfort or his?

  Last night’s events tumbled through her mind like dominos, one after another until she forced herself to stop. She wanted to be angry. Maybe that would burn away this soul-sucking disappointment. But she couldn’t dredge up the energy.

  “Aunt Tess!” Emily cried, one hand and a bulging cheek full of blueberry scone. “You’re up. Awesome.”

  “I am,” she smiled, trying to sound cheerful. “Come sit with me a moment?”

  On her way, Emily grinned at Darach and wiggled the fingers of her free hand, then dropped down beside Tess, broke her scone in two and handed Tess half. “Sorry I didn’t wait. I was kinda hungry.”

  Tess nodded. “Of course.” She broke off a tiny piece of scone and nibbled, wondering how to begin. Maybe it was best to just spit it out. Some honesty around here would be refreshing. “Emily, I’m sorry about yesterday. I was upset, but not at you.”

  “You were mad at Darach, and he didn’t do anything, so…” she shrugged.

  “No,” Tess sighed. “He didn’t. I…overreacted.” She pushed a lock of hair away from Emily’s face. “I’m really sorry. Am I forgiven?”

  “Sure.” Emily hugged Tess with her free arm.

  “But there’s something else we need to talk about, Em.” Tess waited while Emily sat up and looked at her. “I know my behavior upset you, but you have to remember we’re in a strange country, in a big, dark, unfamiliar house. We’re still learning about both of those things. So, when you ran off, it really frightened me. I can’t protect you if I can’t find you. Besides, didn’t we agree to talk things out with each other when we’re upset?”

  At Emily’s pointed look, Tess conceded. “Okay. I messed that up, too. But I need your promise that you won’t run away and hide, ever again. And you’ll always answer when I call you.”

  “Okay, deal,” Emily held out her hand, to shake. “But Aunt Tess, I wasn’t hiding. I promise. I didn’t hear you call me. When I came in, I just ran up the stairs without thinking. Then I thought I’d go look out that bedroom window that’s not covered. You know, the one where we saw Ja—” She frowned and looked
down at her lap. “Anyway, I decided to go up higher, instead. So, I went through that little closet and up those old stairs we found.”

  She turned to Tess, excitement lighting up her eyes. “And guess what I discovered! There’s old furniture and other junk, but I saw this really cool trunk in the corner, and guess what was inside?”

  Before Tess could form an answer, Emily barreled on. “I didn’t get clear to the bottom, but I saw this huge Bible and inside the cover were a whole bunch of names. Lots of the last names were Lochridge, same as you and grandpa. And guess what else? There was this smaller book? It said diary on the front, and I kinda wanted to read it. But then I started talking to J….uh…I just sorta starting talking, and I got really sleepy. I was only going to rest for a minute and then read the diary.” She shrugged. “And then I woke up here.”

  “Darach found you and brought you down.”

  “Oh, cool,” Emily nodded, before tugging urgently on Tessa’s arm. “We’ve got to go back up there and get the diary. I’ll bet there’s really cool stuff in it.”

  “Slow down,” Tess cautioned. “One thing at a time. I’m very interested in the diary, of course, and the other stuff, but Emily, didn’t we already talk about the difference between reality and fantasy? And didn’t we agree there wasn’t a…Jack?”

  Emily’s expression seemed far from contrite. “Well, you did.”

  “Em—”

  “ ’Tis here, Emily!” Darach interrupted, behind them. “I forgot. When I picked ye up last night, sleepin’ peaceful as a lamb, ye were, and…um…holdin’ this book, so I tucked it inside my plaid for safe keepin’.”

  Tess turned to see Darach fishing the book from the folds of his tartan. Emily had already joined him, all but dancing in anticipation.

  “See? See, Aunt Tess?” She came back and dropped down beside Tess, her small fingers fumbling with the ancient leather clasp.